“I Want To Tell My Story… But First I Want To Overcome It”

week 42 .. or somethin’ like that

Hello there.

What a beautiful time to be alive, isn’t it? 

I can’t say I’m always as put together as I make it seem.. — TRUTH BOMB, I’m not really put together at all at the moment. And that’s okay, I’ve learned vulnerability and humility are attractive, and encourage growth. If you sharing something makes you feel better and can help another, please do! We’re all in this together.

My faith and passion has been lightly restored today, and in the last few days to really set sail for healing and feeling, sharing and caring, for yourself! I’m slowly realizing keeping your feelings bottled inside can do WAY more harm than good, especially since I myself am such a vocal person, keeping this to myself is not the plan, nor gunna free me of my pain. 

——

Since August 2017, I have been receiving IV treatments at a wonderful wellness center in Cherry Hill, NJ. I frequent this center due to an ongoing health issue, that apparently I am put on this Earth to NIP IN THE BUTT, and I suppose share with ya’ll how I been doin it. Hey Now.

For 12 years I have known to have Systemic Lupus Erythematosus, Lupus for short, an “auto-immune” condition where your ‘body attacks itself’, or so I’ve been led to believe. And no-one is at fault, this has been concluded with the most updated information and symptoms for what has been available to date. 

After seeing multiple specialists year after year and not agreeing with a consistent medication for the rest of my life because I’m just shy 30 and I have my whole life ahead of me.

I chose to seek out alternative medicine. 

Doing so through Intravenous treatment (IV), supplementation & nutrition.

Oh and recently much more belief, because if ya don’t have that will anything else REALLY work?? Be – Live. k, i get it now. 

I’ve posted snippets of my time there publicly, but after some continuous questions it’s easier to share as a whole ❤ THANKS FOR THE PUSH ❤ 

The treatment I have been receiving is Major Autohemotherapy (MAH) or Ozone Therapy (blood spinning) followed by a ‘Meyers Cocktail’ consisting of – Vitamin C, B, A, Magnesium & Folic Acid, and maybe some minerals? You can google both of these. 

In short, (gunna get a little PG graphic-ish)  MAH is oxygenizing your blood by first extracting it from your vein, then mixing it with medical grade oxygen & drip drip-ing it back into your body. 

When the blood is oxygenated this “supercharges” your immune system, which bad cells like cancer, microbial infection and chronic inflammation and the like cannot survive in this environment. AWESOME. I’m in! I’ve read a lot of professional baseball players do this as well. 🙂 

Following, The Meyers Cocktail is also through an IV, in total this treatment took aboutttt 45 mins – an hour. Not too shabby. 

 

Recently, after continuous long and hard research of WHY WHAT HOW, yes remembering to breathe — breathe more — like there’s gotta be something I’m missing… I was actually recommended to seek out a blessed individual calling himself the Medical Medium.

Anthony William (MM) who has opened my eyes, heart, and mind .. is also replenishing my hydrochloric acid in my stomach with CELERY JUICE, yes celery ( an entire post on this in the future, promise ) has some newer ‘extraordinary accurate’ information. This #1 New York Times best-seller has just released his fourth book revolving around his story, life-changing foods and thyroid and liver healing. *If you have anything auto-immune, I cannot stress enough how you should do your own research on him.*  I know I’m no doctor.. and neither is he actually, but when I began to cross reference this information, things started to shine a new light. A lively light to say the least. 

Like I said, I know I’m no doctor; I am 100% a patient, now just being a patient patient. It’s my body and the experience is first hand. So I might know a litttttttle bit. Anywho, on a specific date in March, I did a little partying and after waking up feeling WORSE THAN EVER, like a wire was snipped, a switched flipped, something totally changed. 

After reading all about Medical Medium, I had a hunch I could have reactivated EBV. Epstein-Barr Virus, a viral infection present in 90% of the population without symptoms, but when it elevates to different stages aka starts raging inside of you at stage 3-4, is a claimed underlying cause of MANY auto-immune conditions. (yes I got this information from his books, no its not really far fetched) Stage 2 is Mononucleosis, another bed-ridden fatigued infection that if you’ve ever had it you KNOW it throws you on your ass. 

With this new found information and bringing it to my doctors attention, we tested me for EBV, and sure as shit… I was correct. WHAT A FEEEEEEEEEELING <<< in more ways than one.

So the last 6-8 weeks my treatment has changed from the Meyer’s Cocktail to a big ol bag of VITAMIN C baby, the biggest bag I’ve seen. Okay lie. But its large and in charge and now takes an hour and a half ALONE to go drip drip. 

With the combination of the IV treatments, suppliments and nutrition information from MM and a licensed nutritionist I have new found hope that this can allllllllllllllllllllllllll beeeeeee heeeallleddddddddddd. Amen, Praise God, Glory UP. No lie tho.

As much as I wanted to tell this story as I’ve beaten it and its all behind me, right now it is staring me in the face like HEY WHATS UP CAIT, u gunna share with the class???!!! 

Roll call ……….. “CAITLIN?”       P    R    E     S     E     N     T 

I hope this gives anyone out there hope that things can and will get better, and if there are any questions about the center, treatments, medical medium etc.. please don’t hesitate.

Thanks for reading!

persistence

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Stepping Into Your Power

Hi everyone!! It’s me again. CPB up in here, as a new girlface MJL calls me. Hi Maroo. She’s a doll. I think in this post as much as I’ll be shedding some personal skin, light, weight & worry… I want to say thank you and I love you to my family and friends who’ve stuck by me during this um, whatever self mutilation dis-ease combination I’ve been putting myself through.

eh-heh. ::insert sweating smiling emoji:: MY BAD. Yes it is definitely my bad but HEY – pretty sure I’ve had enough!!!!!!!

Okay, on a serious note : I want to start off with expressing gratitude (best attitude) for feeling the way I do right now : at ease. ie, Pain free, none swelling, nerves calm, and just… right here & now, peaceful. Waaaay up I feel blessed! This is life! This is living.. I REMEMBER THIS… MORE PLEASE. And it really only took the additives of a mani/pedi followed by a yoga class, to get the good juju flowing again and calm the fuck down.

Both activities I’ve used as self-care all the time before, when life as a whole seemed a bit.. clearer.

…Then I think I fell off the horse.

Won’t say its been easy for me as of late, but I do a damn good job hiding it. Those that know, know some.. and those that don’t, really, really don’t. I’m here now to recondition my voice, no not my signing voice, ( I can harmonize sure..& I DO have a bestie with a set of PIPES.. hi Pres ) but for me it’s my writing voice, my speaking voice, my HEAR ME ROAR Cait-call because do I have much value to add, that has been suppressed for too many moons..

What the hell have I been waiting for?

Well, I’m here now, feeling GREAT, ready to dive head first shedding light on the suck because i’d like to acknowledge my hardships and then light them all on fire and never look back K? OKAY!

Seems like, (yes) I’ve been holding back so much because I don’t know where to start, how to start, or what to start. I have 87,000 ideas and have not pulled the trigger on any. Loser. Guess you could say I’m scared. What to do? Who to do it with? I’ll never figure that out if I continue to SAY/DO NOTHING — I do know how to write and speak.. THAT’S AN IDEA.
So here we are, once again dancing with this blinking cursor. And that’s a start. If you’ll excuse me while I get out of my own way, and as choppy, and all over the place my writings may start, once more, I promise to get-it-together as I find my flow.

disclaimer * A part of me doesn’t want to write about whats been going on in my daily – to do. It’s been shitty mostly and none of my favorite past times when things are not so grand. However, it is the truth and no matter how ugly, a bird or two has told me that the truth will set you free! oh please, pick me truth. I’d much rather write on all the beautiful and inspiring things in life and all to be happy about and work towards and miss positive patty, yet experience is the best teacher and life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies; my journey has led me here so I shall share what I know :o) and if it helps you too, well SWEEEEEEEEET

Maybe as of the last 2-3 years (ew) I’ve been anxious, depressed, or a combination of the two .. just as if “It’s all in my head”, and well yes. That is correct. I have kept this all in my head, writing blog post after blog post (in theory) with only my thoughts and never actually releasing said angst and aguish. You know, actually *taking action* in writing, and instead manifesting severe levels of cortisol (stress) in every way shape and form. Yes, the human body is that powerful on both disease or determination, two different kinds of magic mind power.

Ladies & Gentlemen, I’ve just been in a lot of PAIN, …..shit.

mini CB Example: This morning I woke up feeling 100% less than perfect, more like 92 years old, rather than fine and 29. What I mean by this is : unnecessary pain, everywhere. Joints, hands, fingers, toes. Back, bloodstream, and bones. You name it. Feels like i’ve been hit by a truck some mornings, afternoons and evenings & even a combination of all 3 at times. WHAT. —can we tell i’m over it? && now 12 hours later I feel I can actually roll with some punches and hopefully get my groove back. Sure, I have good days and bad days as does everyone, but mine happen to be from one extreme to another.. normal to…..I’ll say almost ded because it certainly feels that way sometimes, has physically looked this way more as of late, and at one or two points in my 12 year history of battling some silly dis-ease, it’s been WAAAY too close.

Lupus, or Let Us Persist Until Saved is one uuuuugly demon. An auto-immune condition where your body literally attacks its own tissue causing unwanted inflammation and pain, amongst a bunch of other complications, but that has been the most prominent in my case. Oh wait! * And newly it has totally torn apart my face because of the slight medications I’m on resulting in acne, (never had) dry cracked skin, redness everywhere and my hair is straw like and weak — otherwise I opted taking a more holistic route during *this* flare up. I almost cannot believe that this is my life right now. HOW is this my life right now. I’m going to take my back life RIGHT NOW. yeeeeeeeeeeesh. okay I had to get that out. thx.

Of course I could continue to elaborate on the suck but I came here to write because I finally feel GOOD, normal. Just a regular ol’ gal. And it’s a great feeling!!! I’d like more of this please.

I think no one really wants a shit storm of life brewing in their backseat. Quite doubtful actually. However, if it does happen, remember to be kind to yourself while going through this and choose that it will not last forever.

*something I’m now reminding myself of daily : I am in control of me, & the art of self-mastery*

Clearly I have some things to change, heal & feeeeeeeel….BETTER. Once again.

There are some serious ups and downs with any type of autoimmunity, and I whole heartedly believe that they are first, manageable and then a step further curable, given the right intentions, information and mindset. HUGE emphasis on mindset.

I love the feeling of everything going right, don’t you? When you’re having that day of all things wonderful and flow, almost as if magic starts to happen… those are the best. *everything is working out for me* repeat this to yourself – because everything IS working out for you!

With this, I’m planning to morph back into my healthy self and heal thy self. Using everything under the sun I can think of (watch out) to assist my healing and feeling GREAT ❤ I hope to bring along, guide, thought provoke, and inspire anyone else who can relate or benefit in some way!! Sorry for my mini tantrum up there ^ I guess I had to get that out, but .. we still in this bitch 😉 GO time.

❤ Caitlin

Share something with me back, if you feel compelled 🙂

 

Do You Inspire You?

What fuels your fire?  What is it that turns that ‘some day’ idea into a right NOW manifesto? What do you ZOOM in on looking through the lenses of life?

I ask this because I FINALLY realize that you don’t *really* have anything to lose, more so everything to gain, and should just go for it, whatever that may be.

You are the creator of your experience.

— JUMP BABY, JUMP!

You can watch all the podcasts, listen to the right people, take all the best notes, go to the greatest school, and literally be a trust fund baby…(not I) and still wind up not happy or not in a state of flow and abundance.

REALITY CHECK : Boss up & change ya life.

I found myself getting caught up in my own head — suffering from analysis paralysis as friend mentioned.. causing me to do nothing but make excuses. Gross. Not who I am.

I felt as if I needed to be better, do better, have accomplished MORE before I could begin. WHAT? …as I write that now I do see how crazy that sounds , and you do too – so lets learn a bit from the semi self sabotage I’ve caused myself & do not wish to continue 🙂

You can either make decisions or excuses. 

Once you DECIDE on something, the universe conspires to make it so. Good OR bad.
Be mindful of what you’re telling yourself. If you say you can, you can! If you say you can’t, well… don’t do that. It’s crazy how much power our self talk has over us, so much that whatever we tell ourselves is what we attract!

I encourage you to encourage yourself, be your own cheerleader.
* Try not to get that confused with self absorbed, I’m talking more so self aware.*

A thought leader of Generations XYZ and the next, Gary Vaynerchuck mentions in multiple podcasts, on how important it is to be self aware.

If you know who you are, you’re ahead of the game.
If you don’t, well, I’d highly advise looking deeper into your S O U L.

Some questions to ask yourself to get those creative juices flowing :

  1. What are you good at?
  2. What makes you happy?
  3. What do people call on YOU for?
  4. DO YOU INSPIRE YOU?

 

 

There’s a multitude of things that give you your YOUness. Embrace them!

In short,
The journey of life is the best part, there really is no ‘destination’. We all just want to love and be loved. First, we must start with ourselves. So while trekking along, do you fuel your own fire? I hope so. It’s human nature to seek growth and change, & the self discovery along the way, that’s the real prize.

Whatcha looking at?

Ever feel like you’re MIA and everywhere at the same time?
Kinda how its been for me these past few days, weeks, months. (:

Maybe I was just going through the motions, but what motions exactly?
I sort of felt like a dog chasing my own tail, and damn I’m dizzy.

A confused mind does nothing – Get clear on what it is you want, and how to get there.

I’ll tell ya  at 27, so far ‘adulting’ is quite interesting to say the least. We were not put here to just pay bills and die, I SWEAR. And for the record, I definitely don’t have it all figured out, and that’s what I think makes it exciting, figuring out what works, and what doesn’t.

I do however have a great big list of what NOT to do 😀 — learned a lot.

*just keep swimming*

We might get wrapped up in what I’m calling ‘screen envy’ .. looking at someone else’s BEST moment and comparing them to your RIGHT now. #guilty
*cut that outttttt* U R AWESOME, right now & always. There I said it. You should too!

 

It took a – disconnect & reconnect + to get my mind & body right again.

My latest 4 months was filled with no job, fat swollen legs, multiple ER visits, and a FUGLY rash -__-  I’ve decided to stop having a quarter life crisis and get a grip; & snap back to reality.

HellO, it’s me.

It wasn’t ALL bad though, I’ve also had a birthday, gotten PT certified, and highly improved my ‘books I’ve read’ list thus far for 2016.

SO TO RECONNECT WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL WORLD WE LIVE IN GUYS :

I Took a trip with my gal-pal PRESLEY and we went to the Barnegat Lighthouse —
Off the screen and into the scene
(yes I know you’re reading this on a screen and for that I am grateful, thx keep reading :] )

**look photos**

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* that last one is a doozy ^^

wwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :insert upside-down smiley emoji:

Had a grand ol’ time, tryna lure in the cutie filled Coast Guard boat to make some friends, and constantly snap photos with our ‘frou frous’ as I called our wispy pieces of hair flying all over the place.

Needed this crisp refresher after the months of suck, and I can actually believe it wasn’t an alcoholic beverage ^^ LOL

If you would like to follow along while you’re doing your own cool shit :

snapchat – @iwannabcait

instagram | facebook | twitter |

That’s all for now!

xx

Phantom of the Inlet

 

Hello World.

Drones are taking over o.O , and how does that make you feel???????????????? – We once replaced man with machine, and then did it again and again.. idk if I love it or hate it, TBD!

So being that I have all of this free time lately … when I’m not on the daily grind, trying to find/create a job that I love, #thestruggleisreal (HUSTLE HARD) I find myself exploring new hobbies & doing cool *FREE* shit.

A MOTTO : IF IT’S FREE IT’S FOR ME – who doesn’t love free?

Please, enjoy.

Took out a Phantom 3 DRONE the other day and cruised it over the Point Pleasant Boardwalk & Manasquan Inlet.                     ccccchhheccckkkkk iiittttt ouuuuttttttt

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See those two people in front of the left walkway… that’s us!
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I also started using VSCOcam (have no idea what I’m doing) BUT I hear its what all the hipsters use.

Cool filters, I’m a fan!

And here’s the Manasquan Inlet

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DCIM100MEDIADJI_0047.JPGBIRDS EYE VIEW. Do birds see in color? Ready, I’ll sing the song that comes to mind :
I’m blue if I was green I would die.. I’m in need of a guy.. da ba de da ba dieeee…
*THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE*

Recap :
After flying this little drone doohickey and capturing some amazing shots and video it REALLY flipped my perspective — WE ARE SO BIG YET SUUUUPER SMALL.

In the scheme of things, life is what we make it. No matter how little or how big of an impact we want to make in this GREAT BIG WORLD, it’s entirely up to us.

We have control. We may not feel like we do at times, and that’s okay. Keep on keeping on. And check in with yourself, how are you feeling? How are your thoughts?
IS THAT GLASS HALF FULL…fill ‘er up!

Seeing shots like this helps me realize a change in perspective can do wonders.

I really enjoyed my first drone dance. More to come!

xO

Judgement DAZE

Ever find yourself saying.. “I wish I had more time!” ? I’m sure we’ve all said this at least once in our scrolling, wannabe instafamous lives. But with the standard 24 hours a day how is it that some people are able to accomplish more than others?

Some are traveling around the world, chasing sunsets and throwing a filter on all things fabulous.  And others are just.. watching, or sleeping (which is apparently the cousin of death says MANY) sitting behind the scenes, on the couch with their feet up after a long hustle of what seems 9-9 now.

The cost of living isn’t getting lower any time soon, and there are some with a LOT less than you have.. so before we go all WOE IS ME (talkin’ to myself here)— Take a second and be grateful for what it is you DO have.

Be grateful for what you have, while working towards what you want.

I’ve heard lots of great things about keeping a gratitude journal. SO much that I have decided to keep one of my own.

IMG_9881– got this one as a gift 🙂 #grateful

There’s something about putting pen to paper, that really makes the magic happen. Some of the best business leaders, designers, entrepreneurs, and inventors have always advised, work from paper.
You can read more about that magic here.

On the contrary, as member of GenY and *slighty* addicted to the microwave mentality of INSTANT gratification (on the gram, the book, the bird, or the ghost)  we might find ourselves passing judgement comparing our ‘right now’ to other’s ‘bests’.

#guilty

WARNING : DO NOT DO THIS  🙂

Comparison is the thief of joy. – Theodore Rosevelt

If you’re not on an island with doses (of love) and mimosas, wearing couture and reading Cosmo… it’s all good in the hood.

Sometimes we can get caught up in whatever everyone else is doing, and we may neglect the one who matters most – ourselves! Like our teachers may have said, ‘EYES ON YOUR OWN PAPER.’

Just take a minute, relax, and just.. breathe.

I refer to social media as the drug of the 21st century, definitely read that somewhere, or heard it..maybe in an audio, so that’s my credit where credit is due.                     Call it a catch 22, can’t live with it, can’t live without it.

I mean OF COURSE you can live without it, but how would I promote this blog post without taking an Instagram, uploading it to Facebook, linking it to my Twitter, and posting to Snapchat. #2o16 HELLO.

So while we can all be our own biggest critic OR catalyst for change, there’s no better time than A NEW YEAR, and every day after that to really plan and perform. Start where you are, with what you have. Slow down to speed up. Bring the importance into focus and cut the shit. All while appreciating day in & out all the wonderful things you are blessed with.

Make 2016 your best year ever, judgements aside.

xO

Movement.

According to Sir Isaac Newton, and his first law of motion :

 “An object at rest will stay at rest and an object in motion will stay in motion with the same speed and direction unless acted upon by unbalanced force.”

        ( also known as the law of inertia )

So what does this mean?

Well, I see it as  m o v e m e n t.  Movement that is essential for the soul.
Exercise; mind, body & spirit.

Safe to say, the only constant is change right?

Look down at your chest, feel it rise, and sink back down as you inhale & exhale.
Once again, change & constant movement.

So as we’re all just this energy spinning around in our own imperfect circles as we orbit a flaming ball of fire in the sky — where are we going with all this motion? “Good things come to those who wait I prefer “Great things come to those who believe in themselves and hustle… HARD” Nobody remembers the guy that gave up. Fact.

If you apply this KEEP IT MOVIN’ mantra to your life, goals, daily habits and that ambition factor — what do you *think* you could accomplish? Go ahead.. use your imagination & you might surprise yourself! I KNOW I DO. And when I do it feels good, really good, almost super human. Then when riding that best-self-high – I realize how much more often I should do the things I’m passionate about! CRAZY.

As I continue to explore and develop the thoughts I have when my mind wonders (that’s where you’ll find your treasure) I’m more and more excited to pursue and keep going!

Object in motion…stays in motion…unless acted on by an outside force ;  cool, got it!
*YET* that force could sometimes be LIFE. (dun dun dunnnnnnn) *gunna get sour for just a second*

Yup. Guilty. As is everyone. When it comes down to it, we’re all just trying to figure this whole human thing out. Ugh, First timers.

For example, I find it quite funny that after 4 other deleted posts and my chit-chat to close friends of this post on “Movement” FINALLY after my dilly-dallying it’s only coming to fruition as I lay here bed ridden with an inflamed right calf. OUCH!!! Is it because I physically can’t do anything besides glide across the floor like Michael Jackson at the moment, I have no choice but to mentally move?  *IRONIC* don’t ya think? Life has a funny way of helping you out.

Now with walking OUT of the question, I’ll spare you the photo of what feels like my third leg & instead share with you memories from movement of this morning :

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This was an awesome yoga workshop called Headstands for Hunger, held in Asbury Park raising money for those in need.
To see the whole practice in 20 seconds, you can click here. 🙂

**class and photo credit to the lovely Christine ❤ thanks maaaamiiii**

As a newish yogi, newish writer and newish soul searching go getter .. years back, I had this headstand no problem. And then stopped practicing as much. I also have no good reason as to WHY. But there it is. Life. Happened?
Sure. Unexpected Outside Force.

Today.. It was clearly a little more challenging. Yet with some help, we can all do great things.

Also, while giving back today and reconnecting with myself, I in turn doubled on the receiving end.
As I laid down my first ever and only mat in preparation for class, I said aloud to Christine, ‘I really want to get a new mat soon’. Not even maybe 3 minutes later .. does another yogi come over with brand new unopened LULU mat in hand and ask me, If i’d like a new yoga mat?!
WHAT IN THE ACTUAL…….. how COOL. Thank you universe!
Turns out she works for LuLu Lemon, and we have the same name. OH. THE. SUPER COOL. IRONY.

So while I’m currently about to keep the wheels turning and figure out what’s going on with my knee/leg I’m glad this slight setback pushed me a little further in my yoga practice and further in blogging! Must. Make. More. Time. If you want anything bad enough, you’ll find a way… just gotta keep it movin’

xx.